monica’s bodega

you know what?

the previous blog post. yes.. im hiding emotions. im just beginning to be afraid to show with all honesty what im feeling. i used to tell almost everything.. i jst dunno y it is so now…

alam mo ba blog….. hay. ill just wish or the <sighs> to form words in the air..

SIGH.. or maybe, girl.. u just need a little cry. sana iyakin nalang ako.. para mas madali! hehe.. pero nung march o april, iyaking bata batuta.. haha! nu bngn nkaen ko non?

i wish not to end this blog post yet…. but im afraid to confess what i feel in this mere threshold of fucking whatever…

monica.. oh nevermind. ill keep it na lang!

world, wait for me.. ill stun you in my time!!! watch out..

Taha. i can keep this no more! man, gimme a shoulder i can cry on. ?

no repeat  fer that! LMFAO. no, i should not find a fckin shoulder! kalokohan.. uhm… malay mo?

wow.. nakaktawa naman yun. at kelan pa ko naging skinny??? tahaha!

well.. its upon the american standards. but even tho!!! duh?  i want that sexy booty.. (wth monica!??)

hehe.. roar. yeah. they’re right. IM LITTLE MISS INDEPENDENT. ow well. i knew it from the start, i had to be. bcoz I am me.

darn.. yeah.. i amaze you people on how i could pull it off myself.. but.. its sad. in a way. sometimes. that im alone. hehe… that im too independent. but u know, im not really.. im weak din. sumtimes, i wanna be weak. i wanna be held by a hand that would not let me go..

yayks its DRAMA! roar..

so…. i must maximize this day! darn. i dunno na.. i must rest. but i have a lot to do. still. whoah. is this the hard working me? roar. but i must learn. mybe i am. mom is right i know.

uhm… pano ba to. GSP ACTIVITY. Y LEAD TRAINING. MUNICIPAL. im tired ah.. pero. carry yan!!! basta nlang.

wala pdin akong bookreport. oh my god. hay. di pa din ako kumpleto sa mga tests.

basta kaya ko yan bukas?? or wednesday? darn…

GO!!!

hehe..

maybe this is just right.. lalng.. gusto kong mag senti.. d nman aq mkapagsenti.. i barely had time for meh self..

lalng.. haynakooo….

weird.. this is really weird.. pero.. bhala na.. thank you nalng sa pagpapagaan ng pkirmdam kahit papano.. may nkakakita pa kay emot. hengk hengk.. ang drama!! roar.. if only..

haaay.. its really hard sharing your life with someone.. hard hard hard,, kaingget padn.. hmph.. hay. senti times..

bkt ganon? lalng.. dami kong tanong.. ow well.. im struggling to find the answers to all my damn questions.. haha.. nakaktawa..

rush.. im happy with the rush.. being busy.. after all, this is what i really wanted. i guess im doing good with it. but not really. i know im hurting people.. i know im harsh at times.. i know im really impatiene with explaining why things have to be this and that.. well.. there’s always room for improvement! im not perfect.. no one is.. but ill strive for it… evon though.. i feel that many things are pulling mw down… especially wen those people are the ones i never thought they would… pero okay lang..ganun daw talaga buhay..

haha… salamat.. natututo na kong di mawalan ng pagasa.. tska natututo nadin aq na di parati mag stop for a while and be affected.. tuloy lang!! kahit anu pa mangyari, sabi nga " the show must go on" ayun.. minsan nakakaoffend.. hay. basta dasal lang. nothing could be wrong when you’re with God.. ahay..

sa totoo lang.. disappointed pdin ako sa loob loob ko. hay, pero siguro.. katulad nga ng sabi ng matatanda, may mga taong dadating na kahit gano ka kabait sa kaniya eh xa pa yung bibigo sayo.. tapos may pagkakataon pa na ikaw pa yung lalabas na masama. pagod nakong magpaliwanag. okay lang. dina cguro kaylangan pa magpaliwanag dahil sa huli.. ung totoo din yung lalabas…

haaay.. gaan ng pakiramdam ko! diko alam kung baket.. heheh.. pero kahit pa, mejo may something padin sa loob… hidden.. diko din mabungkal.. ! haha (wht a term!)

ahm….. ang dami kong pangarap.. madami akong gusto oo… makukuha ko yon. di man tama lahat ng ginagawa ko. madami man akong mali at lame decisions, di naman ako perpekto eh.. tao lang din ako. di naman pwedeng alam ko na lhat ng dapat gawin… ayun,,, haha…

kung anu ano na tong piagttype ko… bsta nrrmdman ko type lng ng type… bhla n… blog ko nman to.. wla dn nmang ngbbsa kundi ako.. hehehe… hay blog… buhay talaga oh… salamat kay God.. sobrang salamat dahl kahit isipn kong ayaw ko na,, di tumutugil ung diwa ko na magpatuloy… thank you… thanks din dun sa mga tao na nakikita yung kakaunting katinuan ko.. msaya nko dun.. haaay…. haaay….

i should not have been the monica i am now.. if… <sighs> well… people do get the wrong choice! lol..

love? hmm.. cguro sa college nalang ult? im not even xur… kapag dumating.. ede ayun.. pero.. sa tingin ko,, dumating na eh.. hay.. o madaming dumating pero ung alam kong yun… wala… pinapalampas ko na… wag na muna… ayoko pa mamrublema.. alm m nman, kpag may lurve life, kbuntot problema.. haaaay.. pati kaibigan pa.. yoko lang matulad sa pinakahuli… look, he was the one who said sana maging friends man lang till the very end.. that nothing wud change… pero look, love promises are always cliched.. they become hollow when the love is gone… :’( nakakalungkot noh? pero cguro d aq dpat mlungkot.. kc tanggap ko nman na ganun talaga siya… xa lang ang hindi pala ako tinaggap kung sino talaga ako… hay.. ok, gotta end this one.. there’s no point of thinking about it anymore.. coz its over.. i doubt if he still thinks about a single thought that faded love he had… haha.. bye.. :I

i hope my august would end really well… para buong august ko eh accomplished happy..

(,") mag seseptember na.. malapit na mag march… anu na kayang mangyayare sakin??? magagwa ko kaya lahat ng gusto ko? mababalance ko kaya lahat??? SANA SANA SANA… haaaaaaay..

oo nga pala,,, maglalakas loob kaya akong magpunta dun?? sa talim? weird. galit dapat ako diba? pero bakit gusto ko padin? hay monica… stop being stupid.. stop giving importance to people who doesnt value you!!! value the people who have always been around longing for your attention… (how ironic life is.. right?)

todo na drama na to hah.. wala lng.. wala namn akong mkausap.. oo madaming anjan sa paligd.. actually. mdming ktx.. pro ayko na muna… time out muna sa pagshashare ng buhay ko.. ayoko ulit ma disappoint… yung kala mo tanggap ka, di pala… fuck you,,, plastic… pero ok lang.. not al ppl will turn out your friends.. some will really become your enemies..

ang daldal ko… parang tanga. eh kung sa recitation ko ba naman to pinapaandar eh? edi natutuwa sana mommy ko sa grades ko?? sorry ah.. mahina na ksi yung loob ko eh.. diko ba alam. nung bata ako, napaka biba ko.. bkt ngayong lumaki pa ko saka ako nagkaganto.. alam kong.. kaya ko eh.. alam kong magagawa ko dapat.. pero duwag.. duwag..

ayun… haaaaaaaaaay. tao.. kakayanin ko yan! someday..

haha ang pangit ni g-ann sa tv! hehe

god bless us all..

monica.. (?)

grbe. bkt pkrmdm ko im contained? nlalaman q nlng gnto gnyan n pla? pra kong nbubuhy lng sa rsci.. nmimiss ko na AA… pggiging maldita, maarte, cgwn at mag iinarte at magppksya n prng mga bata.. ttkbo tkbo sa fields.. haay..

nsa hospital na si tita, diko man lang nakausap bago xa dalhin dun. ano ba… ano ba… kinakbhan ako. (>.<)

wow. andito nga sila parang wala din naman. nu b to. prang wala din ako. keln pko mkkpunta dun? this week, hell week! net week, cheering? hello.. then intrams.. tas aalis n ult sila… ang tagal tagal kong inantay to!!! im still stcuk with that saturday bliss.. (T.T)

bhla na. ill make a way. kakayanin ko tlga!!!

uhm..

uhm..

hay.

upcat was wow… daming mgnda.. pti gwpo din.. but i soo adore this bitersweet girl! niaha.. astg tlga xa supr!

blog, nguguluhn nnman ako.. prng ang saya saya qlng nung past days oh.. eh ksi. i dunno what i want to hear of myself!!! ang dami dami kong windows ng personality ko. i dunno what to use when!! darn… well bhla na.. it will come naturally. haha.. pray lng!

mMmM… im sorry im sorry sooo sorry! all i wanted was friendship.. dko cnasdya.. sorry. bkt gnun? sa dnami dami ng dumating, nhirapan ako palampasin ka ah! hehe.. ayko lng na baka mapaasa lng kta… mxdo pang maaga eh. and friend nnman? wg nlng. dmi kong narerealize.. mhrp nga pla tlga mgmhal ng kybgan. coz wen d love is gone, d friendship wud not be the same. aww.

uhm…  gling q lng tlga mag vibes. haha! pro wla nman aqng balak ipaalam syo. ill just make this fade. mali din kc. mali. KUNG lng tlga.. hay.. ayun, ive made my decision im sorry.

malalaman mo lang to before ko mag college.. ayun, kung mababasa mo nga lng! hehe..

last, slamat sbra sa pag aadmire mo. alm m knti lng ung nkikita aq ng gnon… slamt tlga. haay. ingat ingat nlng! ggwa p tyo ng mdming klokohn! ayt?

- - - let it slip away - - -

hMm..

dahl msya ko,. and motivated,

gNto yn.. wen u see me not smiling or wen u think tht im frownin for whatsoevr reason w/c makes u think im a saddie or snob, its just tht..

I DONT FAKE MY LAUGHTER AND SMILES. whenvr i give a hearty laugh, or flash summ smile.. its definitely frm d hart! (naka nman!)

haha.. kya pg nkcmngot aq o kya blank face, gnun tLga eh.. wg k mgrekLmo! imprtnte, TOTOO AKO.

ayun.. happy!

>> feELing ko, ang pinaka masayang panaginip na napuntahan ko ay nung saturday.. July 28, 2007.. hehe.. prang ang bilis ng nngyare, biglaan nlng andto n pla kau dko man lang alm.. grbe i wntd to run home! xit.. SOBRNG SAYA KO NUN! pkrmdm ko hindi totOo.. pRng pnaginip lng i was talkin wid u, walking, eating.. lhat!!! xet.. sana after this week, madugtungan yung panaginip na yoon.. kht feeling ko :’(, sbi nman nia na ano eh.. haay… SAYA SAYA SAYA SAYA TLGA!!!

august shall be my happiest month!! i would not allow anyone to ruin it.. (i soo loove my sister!! and my bear!) IM ECSTATIC..<<

>> at ikw nman, hay. hindi ko akalain na magagawa mo yon. ang sama sama sama sama mo. sana mapatunayan mo sakn na dpat ka pang mapagkatiwalaan at pakisamahan bilang tao. sobrang sama. hay. bkt kylangan mo pang gawin yung mg bagay na yon??? para saan? ang PLASTIC MO. KYA WAG NA WAG KANG MAGREREKLAMO SA MUNDO AT SA BUHAY MO, DAHL GNYAN ANG UGALI MO. ok? ayw na sna kitang mkita pa kht kelan dahl mukng totoo na YOU WERE NEVER WORTH. xit. Lord, tell me why he had to do it when nothing matters anymore?

*he always said: he hates to see me hurt, he hates to see me cry.. so all of those time he hurt me, was he closing his eyes? i hate you. y do you have do all of it??? sana makilala mo si God. :’( [love is the scent flowers give off when they are crushed! sama mo..]*

>> for all those ppl who are firing the bullet to provoke me to mess with them, im sorry. I HAVE LEARNED MY LESSON. im not the same. di kita papatulan unless i see a good point or unless you insult ME. na sobra na. yun lang… pray na lang tayo. bakt kasi natin pilit na ginagawang kumplikado anf mundo e napakasimple lng naman??? dba.. ^^,

>> ang ewn bkt prng nggng boyish nnman aq? hehe.. mahina nga cguro tlga loob ko. oo dahl di ako kumpleto.. pero im finding the pieces.. im with my GOD! hehe.. roar.. mlks lng nmn loob ko pag time ng kalokohn trip.. pero i will never stop trying!!! kung kaya nila, bkt hndo ko magagwa???

>>IM TIRED OF EXPLAINING MY SELF.. sbgay sbi nman, if it is meant to be understood it will find a way itself.. ayon, prng hndi pako nasnay sa JUDGEMENTL world..dba? carry lng.. tuloy lng bsta alam kong wala akong nssktan..

>> hynko.. tama plang a girl’s sixth sense is her KUTOB! naka, ang gling gling tlga ng kutob kooo! png mdam auring! niahaha.. SAYANG NAMAN. ALM MBNG OK NA SANA LAHT… MALI LNG TLGA. KUNG NGING ANO LNG TLGA. SYNG SYNG SYNG!!! wla nmn aqng blk n aminin.. SA APRIL n ntn mppgusp to preho.. syng nman… pro dont leave too soon,  im not yet xur… [kng mbbsa mlng to.. :)]

>>ang dmi qng nttutunan.. and is happy!!! haay… swrte nnman yung susunod, ill be better with you! i knew more of my mistkes and things to correct.. kya.. kng cnu k mn, wla lng! haha im ready..

>> im fulfilled nrn kht ppno.. coz i knw nothing takes overnight.. im happy with meeting these little goals ive set for myself..

THANK YOU GOD!!! im so sorry for being me.. and please continue guiding us..

I LOVE GOD!